Mr Mousebender: And I thought to myself, "A little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
Henry Wenslydale: Come again?
Mr Mousebender: I want to buy some cheese.
Henry Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.
Mr Mousebender: Certainly not. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse.
Henry Wenslydale: Sorry?
Mr Mousebender: [in a silly Northern accent] Ooh, I like a nice dance - you're forced to.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monty Python pt 9
Mr. Vibrating: Come in.
Man: Um, is this the right room for an argument?
Mr. Vibrating: I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I have.
Man: When?
Mr. Vibrating: Just now.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: I did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: Did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: I'm telling you I did.
Man: You did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Oh I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
Man: Oh, just the five minutes.
Mr. Vibrating: Ah, thank you. Anyway I did.
Man: You most certainly did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Look, let's get this thing quite clear. I most definitely told you.
Man: Um, is this the right room for an argument?
Mr. Vibrating: I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I have.
Man: When?
Mr. Vibrating: Just now.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: I did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: Did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: I'm telling you I did.
Man: You did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Oh I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
Man: Oh, just the five minutes.
Mr. Vibrating: Ah, thank you. Anyway I did.
Man: You most certainly did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Look, let's get this thing quite clear. I most definitely told you.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monty Python pt 11
T.F. Gumby: Doctor? Doctor? DOCTOR!
[he bangs on a bell violently, eventually smashing it, as well as the desk and everything on it]
T.F. Gumby: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
Dr. Gumby: [enter Dr. Gumby] Hello!
T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?
Dr. Gumby: [thinks for a moment] Hello!
T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?
Dr. Gumby: No. No, I am not the brain specialist. No I am not. Yes! Yes I am!
T.F. Gumby: My brain hurts!
Dr. Gumby: Well, let's take a look at it, Mr. Gumby.
[begins to lift Gumby's sweater]
T.F. Gumby: No, no, no, my brain in my head.
Dr. Gumby: [thumps him on the head] It will have to come out.
T.F. Gumby: What? Out of my head?
Dr. Gumby: Yes. All the bits of it.
[he bangs on a bell violently, eventually smashing it, as well as the desk and everything on it]
T.F. Gumby: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
Dr. Gumby: [enter Dr. Gumby] Hello!
T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?
Dr. Gumby: [thinks for a moment] Hello!
T.F. Gumby: Are you the brain specialist?
Dr. Gumby: No. No, I am not the brain specialist. No I am not. Yes! Yes I am!
T.F. Gumby: My brain hurts!
Dr. Gumby: Well, let's take a look at it, Mr. Gumby.
[begins to lift Gumby's sweater]
T.F. Gumby: No, no, no, my brain in my head.
Dr. Gumby: [thumps him on the head] It will have to come out.
T.F. Gumby: What? Out of my head?
Dr. Gumby: Yes. All the bits of it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
monty Python pt 8
Mr Boniface: ["It's the Mind: A Weekly Magazine of Things Psychiatric"] Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before, that what is happening now has already happened tonight on "It's the Mind" we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've...
[looks puzzled]
Mr Boniface: Anyway, tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, shaken]
Mr Boniface: Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we someti... mes get... that... we've lived through something -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, visibly shaken]
Mr Boniface: Good... good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of d-d-d-d-d-déjà v-v-v-v-v-vu. That extraordinary feeling... quite extraordinary...
[trails off; the phone rings and he picks it up]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thanks, fine.
[a hand reaches in and sets a glass on the desk; Boniface drinks and the hand exits]
Mr Boniface: Oh thank you. That strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before.
[phone; he picks it up]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand comes in as before; he jumps]
Mr Boniface: Thank you. That strange feeling we...
[phone]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand with glass]
Mr Boniface: Thank you.
[jumps and yelps]
Mr Boniface: Look, something's happening to me. I-I-um, I think I'd better go and see someone. Good night.
[exits and boards the psychiatrist milk float outside]
Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Boniface in the studio, nervously biting his nails. He sees the camera, screams with terror, and runs outside to the float]
Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
[a few minutes later, outside Dr Cream's office, Boniface jumps off and runs inside]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, puzzled, and runs inside]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now, what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, more shaken, and runs in]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, scared, and runs inside as the show ends]
[looks puzzled]
Mr Boniface: Anyway, tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, shaken]
Mr Boniface: Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we someti... mes get... that... we've lived through something -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, visibly shaken]
Mr Boniface: Good... good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of d-d-d-d-d-déjà v-v-v-v-v-vu. That extraordinary feeling... quite extraordinary...
[trails off; the phone rings and he picks it up]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thanks, fine.
[a hand reaches in and sets a glass on the desk; Boniface drinks and the hand exits]
Mr Boniface: Oh thank you. That strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before.
[phone; he picks it up]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand comes in as before; he jumps]
Mr Boniface: Thank you. That strange feeling we...
[phone]
Mr Boniface: No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand with glass]
Mr Boniface: Thank you.
[jumps and yelps]
Mr Boniface: Look, something's happening to me. I-I-um, I think I'd better go and see someone. Good night.
[exits and boards the psychiatrist milk float outside]
Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Boniface in the studio, nervously biting his nails. He sees the camera, screams with terror, and runs outside to the float]
Milkman: Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface: No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
[a few minutes later, outside Dr Cream's office, Boniface jumps off and runs inside]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, puzzled, and runs inside]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now, what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, more shaken, and runs in]
Dr Cream: Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface: I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, scared, and runs inside as the show ends]
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monty Python pt 12
Man: That was not five minutes just now.
Mr. Vibrating: I told you I'm not allowed to argue with you unless you've paid.
Man: I just paid.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Yes I have.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Look, I don't want to argue about this.
Mr. Vibrating: Well you didn't pay.
Man: Aha! If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? See, I've got you.
Mr. Vibrating: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
Man: I've had enough of this.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Mr. Vibrating: I told you I'm not allowed to argue with you unless you've paid.
Man: I just paid.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Yes I have.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Look, I don't want to argue about this.
Mr. Vibrating: Well you didn't pay.
Man: Aha! If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? See, I've got you.
Mr. Vibrating: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
Man: I've had enough of this.
Mr. Vibrating: No you haven't.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Monty Python pt 13
Alan: Well last week, we showed you how to become a gynaecologist. And this week on "How to Do It" we're going to show you how to play the flute, how to split an atom, how to construct a box girder bridge, how to irrigate the Sahara Desert and make vast new areas of land cultivatable, but first, here's Jackie to tell you all how to rid the world of all known diseases.
Jackie: Hello, Alan.
Alan: Hello, Jackie.
Jackie: Well, first of all, become a doctor and discover a marvellous cure for something, and then, when the medical profession really starts to take notice of you, you can jolly well tell them what to do and make sure they get everything right so there'll never be any diseases ever again.
Alan: Thanks, Jackie, great idea. How to play the flute.
[produces a flute]
Alan: Well here we are. You blow there and you move your fingers up and down here.
Noel: Great, great, Alan. Well, next week we'll be showing you how black and white people can live together in peace and harmony, and Alan will be over in Moscow showing us how to reconcile the Russians and the Chinese. So until next week, cheerio!
All: Bye!
Jackie: Hello, Alan.
Alan: Hello, Jackie.
Jackie: Well, first of all, become a doctor and discover a marvellous cure for something, and then, when the medical profession really starts to take notice of you, you can jolly well tell them what to do and make sure they get everything right so there'll never be any diseases ever again.
Alan: Thanks, Jackie, great idea. How to play the flute.
[produces a flute]
Alan: Well here we are. You blow there and you move your fingers up and down here.
Noel: Great, great, Alan. Well, next week we'll be showing you how black and white people can live together in peace and harmony, and Alan will be over in Moscow showing us how to reconcile the Russians and the Chinese. So until next week, cheerio!
All: Bye!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Monty Python pt 14
Chief Superintendent Lookout: [Inspector Tiger has been murdered] This house is surrounded. I must ask that no-one leave the room. I'm Chief Superintendent Lookout.
Lady Velloper: Lookout?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: [jumps] What, where? Oh, me, Lookout. Lookout of the Yard.
Lady Velloper: Why, what would we see?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: I'm sorry?
Lady Velloper: What would we see if we look out of the yard?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: ...I'm afraid I don't follow that at all. Aha. The body. So the murderer must be somebody in this room. Unless he had very long arms. Say thirty or forty feet. I think we can discount that one.
[starts laughing]
Chief Superintendent Lookout: Lookout of the Yard! Very good. Right, now we'll reconstruct the crime. I'll sit down here. Constable, you turn off the lights.
[lights out]
Chief Superintendent Lookout: Good. Now then, there was a scream, aaahhhhhhhhhh! Then just before the lights went up, there was a shot.
[a shot, lights on. Lookout has an arrow through his neck, poison in his lap, and bullet in his head]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: All right... all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Assistnat Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer.
All: Theresamanbehindyer?
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Ah, you're not going to catch me with an old one like that. Right, let's reconstruct the crime. Constable, you be Inspector Tiger.
Policeman: Right, sir. Nobody leave the room ask shall. Somebody I leave nobody in the room body shall. Take the tablets Tigerbody.
[clapping from the others]
Policeman: Alself me to myduce introlow left body in the roomself.
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Good, very good. Just sit down there. Right, now we'll pretend the lights have gone out. Constable, you scream.
[constable screams]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Somebody shoots you...
[shoots constable point-blank]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: and the door opens...
Chief Constable Fire: Nobody move. I'm Chief Constable Fire.
All: Fire?
Chief Constable Fire: [jumps] Where? Where?
Lady Velloper: Lookout?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: [jumps] What, where? Oh, me, Lookout. Lookout of the Yard.
Lady Velloper: Why, what would we see?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: I'm sorry?
Lady Velloper: What would we see if we look out of the yard?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: ...I'm afraid I don't follow that at all. Aha. The body. So the murderer must be somebody in this room. Unless he had very long arms. Say thirty or forty feet. I think we can discount that one.
[starts laughing]
Chief Superintendent Lookout: Lookout of the Yard! Very good. Right, now we'll reconstruct the crime. I'll sit down here. Constable, you turn off the lights.
[lights out]
Chief Superintendent Lookout: Good. Now then, there was a scream, aaahhhhhhhhhh! Then just before the lights went up, there was a shot.
[a shot, lights on. Lookout has an arrow through his neck, poison in his lap, and bullet in his head]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: All right... all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Assistnat Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer.
All: Theresamanbehindyer?
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Ah, you're not going to catch me with an old one like that. Right, let's reconstruct the crime. Constable, you be Inspector Tiger.
Policeman: Right, sir. Nobody leave the room ask shall. Somebody I leave nobody in the room body shall. Take the tablets Tigerbody.
[clapping from the others]
Policeman: Alself me to myduce introlow left body in the roomself.
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Good, very good. Just sit down there. Right, now we'll pretend the lights have gone out. Constable, you scream.
[constable screams]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Somebody shoots you...
[shoots constable point-blank]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: and the door opens...
Chief Constable Fire: Nobody move. I'm Chief Constable Fire.
All: Fire?
Chief Constable Fire: [jumps] Where? Where?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monty Python pt 15
Milkman: Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker's man. Good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist.
Mrs. Pim: You look like a milkman to me.
Milkman: [ticks a box on his clipboard] Good, I am in fact dressed as a milkman... you spotted that. Well done.
Mrs. Pim: Go away.
Milkman: Now then, madam, I'm going to show you three numbers and I want you to tell me if you notice any similarity between them.
[holds up a card with the number "3' on it three times]
Mrs. Pim: They're all number three.
Milkman: No. Try again.
Mrs. Pim: They're *all* number three?
Milkman: No. They're *all* number three.
[writes]
Milkman: Right. Now, I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes into yout head. How many pints do you want?
Mrs. Pim: Er... three?
Milkman: Yoghurt?
Mrs. Pim: Er... no.
Milkman: Cream?
Mrs. Pim: No.
Milkman: Eggs?
Mrs. Pim: No.
Milkman: [writes] Right. Well, you're quite clearly suffering from a repressive libido complex, probably the product of an unhappy childhood, coupledwith acute insecurity in adolescence, which has resulted in an attenuation of the libido complex.
Mrs. Pim: You *are* a bloody milkman!
Milkman: Don't you shout at me, madam, don't come that tone. Now then, I must ask you to accompany me down to the dairy and do some aptitude tests.
Mrs. Pim: I've got better things to do than come down to the dairy!
Milkman: Mrs. Ratbag! If you don't mind my saying so, you are badly in need of an expensive course of psychiatric treatment. Now I'm not going to say that a trip down to our dairy will cure you, but it will give hundreds of lower-paid workers a good laugh.
Mrs. Pim: All right... but how am I going to get home?
Milkman: I'll run you there and back in my psychiatrist's float.
Mrs. Pim: ...All right.
Mrs. Pim: You look like a milkman to me.
Milkman: [ticks a box on his clipboard] Good, I am in fact dressed as a milkman... you spotted that. Well done.
Mrs. Pim: Go away.
Milkman: Now then, madam, I'm going to show you three numbers and I want you to tell me if you notice any similarity between them.
[holds up a card with the number "3' on it three times]
Mrs. Pim: They're all number three.
Milkman: No. Try again.
Mrs. Pim: They're *all* number three?
Milkman: No. They're *all* number three.
[writes]
Milkman: Right. Now, I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes into yout head. How many pints do you want?
Mrs. Pim: Er... three?
Milkman: Yoghurt?
Mrs. Pim: Er... no.
Milkman: Cream?
Mrs. Pim: No.
Milkman: Eggs?
Mrs. Pim: No.
Milkman: [writes] Right. Well, you're quite clearly suffering from a repressive libido complex, probably the product of an unhappy childhood, coupledwith acute insecurity in adolescence, which has resulted in an attenuation of the libido complex.
Mrs. Pim: You *are* a bloody milkman!
Milkman: Don't you shout at me, madam, don't come that tone. Now then, I must ask you to accompany me down to the dairy and do some aptitude tests.
Mrs. Pim: I've got better things to do than come down to the dairy!
Milkman: Mrs. Ratbag! If you don't mind my saying so, you are badly in need of an expensive course of psychiatric treatment. Now I'm not going to say that a trip down to our dairy will cure you, but it will give hundreds of lower-paid workers a good laugh.
Mrs. Pim: All right... but how am I going to get home?
Milkman: I'll run you there and back in my psychiatrist's float.
Mrs. Pim: ...All right.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Monty Python pt 18
Ludovic: ['The Great Debate Number 31: TV4 Or Not TV4?'] Hello. Should there be another television channel or not? On tonight's programme, the Minister for Broadcasting, The Right Honourable Mr Ian Throat MP.
Mr Ian Throat: Good evening.
Ludovic: The chairman of the Amalgamated Money TV, Sir Abe Sappenheim.
Sir Abe Sappenheim: Good evening.
Ludovic: The Shadow Spokesman for Television, Lord Kinwoodie.
Lord Kinwoodie: Hello.
Ludovic: And a television critic, Mr Patrick Loone.
Mr Patrick Loone: Hello.
Ludovic: Gentlemen, should there be a fourth television channel or not? Ian?
Mr Ian Throat: Yes.
Ludovic: Francis?
Lord Kinwoodie: No.
Ludovic: Sir Abe?
Sir Abe Sappenheim: Yes.
Ludovic: Patrick?
Mr Patrick Loone: No.
Ludovic: Well there you have it, two say will, two say won't. We'll be back again next week, and next week's "Great Debate' will be about government interference in broadcasting and will be cancelled mysteriously.
Mr Ian Throat: Good evening.
Ludovic: The chairman of the Amalgamated Money TV, Sir Abe Sappenheim.
Sir Abe Sappenheim: Good evening.
Ludovic: The Shadow Spokesman for Television, Lord Kinwoodie.
Lord Kinwoodie: Hello.
Ludovic: And a television critic, Mr Patrick Loone.
Mr Patrick Loone: Hello.
Ludovic: Gentlemen, should there be a fourth television channel or not? Ian?
Mr Ian Throat: Yes.
Ludovic: Francis?
Lord Kinwoodie: No.
Ludovic: Sir Abe?
Sir Abe Sappenheim: Yes.
Ludovic: Patrick?
Mr Patrick Loone: No.
Ludovic: Well there you have it, two say will, two say won't. We'll be back again next week, and next week's "Great Debate' will be about government interference in broadcasting and will be cancelled mysteriously.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Monty Python pt 19
Bounder: 'Morning, I'm Bounder-Of-Adventure.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Hello, I'm Smoke-Too-Much.
Bounder: Well you'd better cut down a little then.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: I'm sorry?
Bounder: You'd better cut down a little then.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Oh oh, I see. Smoke too much, so I better cut down a little then.
Bounder: Yes. I expect you get people making jokes about your name all the time, eh?
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: No. I've never noticed it before.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Hello, I'm Smoke-Too-Much.
Bounder: Well you'd better cut down a little then.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: I'm sorry?
Bounder: You'd better cut down a little then.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Oh oh, I see. Smoke too much, so I better cut down a little then.
Bounder: Yes. I expect you get people making jokes about your name all the time, eh?
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: No. I've never noticed it before.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Monty Python pt 20
Mr Mousebender: Tell me, have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
Henry Wenslydale: Yes, sir.
Mr Mousebender: Really?
Henry Wenslydale: No, not really, sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Mr Mousebender: Well I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to shoot you.
Henry Wenslydale: Right-o then.
[Mousebender draws a gun and shoots Wenslydale dead]
Mr Mousebender: What a senseless waste of human life.
Henry Wenslydale: Yes, sir.
Mr Mousebender: Really?
Henry Wenslydale: No, not really, sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Mr Mousebender: Well I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to shoot you.
Henry Wenslydale: Right-o then.
[Mousebender draws a gun and shoots Wenslydale dead]
Mr Mousebender: What a senseless waste of human life.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Mounty Python pt 22
Hungarian: [reading from a English-Hungarian dictionary] I vill not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: Sorry?
Hungarian: I vill not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: Uh, no, no, this... uh... tobacconist.
Hungarian: Ah! I vill not buy this *tobacconist*, it is sratched.
Tobacconist: Uh, no, no, tobacco... um... cigarettes.
Hungarian: Ja! "Ci-ga-ret-ta"! Uh... My hovercraft if full of eels.
[pause]
Hungarian: My hovercraft
[motions "cigarettes"]
Hungarian: is full of eels.
[motions "matches"]
Tobacconist: Oh! Matches! Matches.
Hungarian: Ja! Ja, ja. Uh... do you *WA*nt... do you *WA*nt to come back to my place? Bouncy, bouncy!
Tobacconist: I don't think you're using that right.
Hungarian: You great poohft.
Tobacconist: Uh, that will be 66 please.
Hungarian: If I said you had beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.
Tobacconist: M-may I?
Hungarian: Ja! Ja!
[gives book to Tobacconist]
Tobacconist: Costs 6 and 6... costs 6 and... ah, here we are!
[Tobacconist says something in Hungarian, causing the Hungarian to punch him in the face. A police officer comes rushing into the store]
Police Officer: What's going on here then?
Hungarian: [to police officer] You have beautiful thighs.
Police Officer: What?
Tobacconist: He hit me!
Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunch time.
Police Officer: [angry] RIGHT!
[Hungarian dragged away by police officer]
Hungarian: My nipples explode with delight!
Tobacconist: Sorry?
Hungarian: I vill not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: Uh, no, no, this... uh... tobacconist.
Hungarian: Ah! I vill not buy this *tobacconist*, it is sratched.
Tobacconist: Uh, no, no, tobacco... um... cigarettes.
Hungarian: Ja! "Ci-ga-ret-ta"! Uh... My hovercraft if full of eels.
[pause]
Hungarian: My hovercraft
[motions "cigarettes"]
Hungarian: is full of eels.
[motions "matches"]
Tobacconist: Oh! Matches! Matches.
Hungarian: Ja! Ja, ja. Uh... do you *WA*nt... do you *WA*nt to come back to my place? Bouncy, bouncy!
Tobacconist: I don't think you're using that right.
Hungarian: You great poohft.
Tobacconist: Uh, that will be 66 please.
Hungarian: If I said you had beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.
Tobacconist: M-may I?
Hungarian: Ja! Ja!
[gives book to Tobacconist]
Tobacconist: Costs 6 and 6... costs 6 and... ah, here we are!
[Tobacconist says something in Hungarian, causing the Hungarian to punch him in the face. A police officer comes rushing into the store]
Police Officer: What's going on here then?
Hungarian: [to police officer] You have beautiful thighs.
Police Officer: What?
Tobacconist: He hit me!
Hungarian: Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunch time.
Police Officer: [angry] RIGHT!
[Hungarian dragged away by police officer]
Hungarian: My nipples explode with delight!
Mounty Python pt 21
Michael Palin: Mount Everest: forbiding, aloof, terrifying. The mountain with the biggest tits in the world.
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