Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. ~ Benny Hill Since the lack of comments and relationships in 2014 is kinda disturbing .

Extra-Terrestrials attracted to lights

John Henry Sununu should run for 2016! 

John Henry Sununu should run for 2016!  John Henry Sununu should be Republican candidate for 2016

Hmmm

The Unofficial Never Gonna Happen George W Bush Mood Theme

Monty Python pt 1

Clerk: You are Alexander Yalt?
Alexander Yalt: [in a Derek Nimmo voice] Oh I am.
Clerk: Skip the impersonations.
Alexander Yalt: I am.
Clerk: Mr Yalt you are charged that on the second day of January 1970 you wilfully, deliberately and with malice aforethought published an English-Hungarian Phrasebook with intent to cause a breach of the peace. How do you plead?
Alexander Yalt: Not guilty.
Clerk: You live at 46 Horton Terrace?
Alexander Yalt: I do live at 46 Horton Terrace.
Clerk: You are the president of a publishing company?
Alexander Yalt: I am the president of a publishing company.
Clerk: Your company publishes phrasebooks?
Alexander Yalt: My company does publish phrasebooks.
Clerk: You did say 46 Horton Terrace?
Alexander Yalt: Yes
Clerk: [bangs gong à la Michael Miles] Aha! Got him!

1

Saw a NY license plate with the following number: "1." I pulled alongside and was disappointed the driver was neither Elvis nor Jesus.

Discover Card

personally i like the discover card rewards program. if you can find a business that takes discover card, you get a free airplane

Cab

Here's a thought. If ur going to spend the money on a 40in plasma tv, maybe splurge on a cab?

5 year old asked how many seconds until we leave for playground. Wife said "a bazillion". 5 year old left, counting. Is that child abuse?

Bonnaroo

2 days past due date. Just got a text from the baby saying something about #Bonnaroo. I think he’s drunk.

Monty Python pt 3

'Thrust' Presenter: Good evening. I have with me tonight Anne Elk. Mrs. Anne Elk.
Miss Anne Elk: Miss.
'Thrust' Presenter: You say you have a new theory about the brontosaurus
Miss Anne Elk: Can I just say here Chris for one moment that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
'Thrust' Presenter: Exactly.
[long pause]
'Thrust' Presenter: Well, what is it?
Miss Anne Elk: [looks around, concerned] Where?
'Thrust' Presenter: No, no, your new theory.
Miss Anne Elk: Oh, what is my theory?
'Thrust' Presenter: Yes.
Miss Anne Elk: Oh, what is my theory that it is. Well, Chris, you may well ask me what is my theory.
'Thrust' Presenter: I am asking.
Miss Anne Elk: Good for you. My word yes. Well, Chris, what it is that it is - this theory of mine. Well, this is what it is - my theory that I have, that is to say, which is mine, is mine.
'Thrust' Presenter: Yes, I know it's yours, what is it?
Miss Anne Elk: [looks round again] Where? Oh, what is my theory? This is it.
[clears her throat at length]
Miss Anne Elk: My theory that belongs to me is as follows.
[clears her throat very noisily and violently]
Miss Anne Elk: This is how it goes. The next thing I'm going to say is my theory. Ready?
'Thrust' Presenter: [exasperated] Yes.
Miss Anne Elk: My theory by A. Elk, brackets, Miss, brackets. This theory goes as follows and begins now. All brontosauruses are thin at one end, much much thicker in the middle, and the thin again at the far end. That is my theory, it is mine, and it belongs to me, and I own it, and what it is, too.
'Thrust' Presenter: That's it, is it?
Miss Anne Elk: Spot on, Chris.
'Thrust' Presenter: Well, uh, this theory of yours appears to have hit the nail on the head.
Miss Anne Elk: And it's mine

Monty Python pt 4

TV Presenter: And now a precision display of bad temper.
[soldiers all yell in unison]
Soldiers: My goodness me! I am in a bad temper today, two three! Damn damn, two three! I am vexed and ratty, two three! And hopping mad!
[soldiers stamp feet on ground angrily]
TV Presenter: And now, the men of the Second Armored Division with their famous close order swanning about.
Sergeant: Squad... *Camp* it *up*!
[soldiers all chant in unison while mincing]
Soldiers: Ooh, get her! Whoops, I've got your number ducky, you couldn't afford me dear, two three. I'll scratch your eyes out! Don't come the Brigadier bit with us, dear, we all know where you've been, you military fairy. Two, three, one, two, three, four, five, six. Whoops! Don't look now girls, the man has just minced in with that jolly colour Sergeant, two three. Oooh!

Glow in the dark

It's great to be this handsome, but sometimes I wish I was just very good looking.

Monty Python pt 2

Inspector Tiger: Now, alduce me to introlow myself. I'm sorry. Alself me to myduce introlow. Introme tolose mylow alself. Alme to you introself mylowduce. Excuse me a moment.
[bangs himself on the head]
Inspector Tiger: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm afried I must ask that no-one leave the room. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Tiger.
All: Tiger?
Inspector Tiger: [jumps] Where? Where? What? Ah. Me Tiger. You Jane.
[growl]
Inspector Tiger: Beg your pardon, allow me to introduce myself, I'm afraid I must ask that no-one leave the room.
Lady Velloper: Why not?
Inspector Tiger: Elementary. Since the body was found in this room, and no-one has left it. Therefore... the murderer must be somebody in this room.
Colonel Pickering: What body?
Inspector Tiger: Somebody. In this room. Must the murderer be. The murderer of the body is somebody in this room, which nobody must leave... leave the body in the room not to be left by anybody. Nobody leaves anybody or the body with somebody. Everybody who is anybody shall leave the body in the roombody. Take the tablets Tiger. Anybody with a body but not the body is nobody. Nobody leaves the body in the...
[takes a tablet]
Inspector Tiger: Albody me introbody albodyduce.
[a surgeon and two nurses enter with saws and lay Tiger down on the table. The same drawing room, one lobotomy later, Tiger's head is bandaged]
Surgeon: Now for Sir Gerald.
[exit]
Inspector Tiger: That's better. Now I'm Inspector Tiger and I must ask that nobody leave the room.
[gives thumbs up to the surgeon]
Inspector Tiger: Now someone has committed a murder here, and that murderer is someone in this room. The question is... who?
Colonel Pickering: Look, there hasn't been a murder.
Inspector Tiger: No murder?
All: No.
Inspector Tiger: Oh, I don't like it. It's too simple, too clear cut. I'd better wait.
[sits]
Inspector Tiger: No, too simple, too clear cut.
[lights out, a scream, and a shot. Tiger is dead with a poison bottle in his hand, an arrow through his neck, and a bullet in his head]
Colonel Pickering: By jove, he was right!

Monty Python pt 6

Mr Barnard: What do you want?
Man: Well I was told outside that...
Mr Barnard: Don't give me that, you snotty faced heap of parrot droppings!
Man: What?
Mr Barnard: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke you vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert!
Man: What? I came in here for an argument.
Mr Barnard: Oh, oh oh I'm sorry, this is "abuse'. You want Room 12-A just along the corridor.
Man: Oh sorry. Thank you very much, sorry, thank you.
[Shuts the door]
Man: Stupid git.

Monty Python pt 7

Mr Mousebender: And I thought to myself, "A little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
Henry Wenslydale: Come again?
Mr Mousebender: I want to buy some cheese.
Henry Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.
Mr Mousebender: Certainly not. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse.
Henry Wenslydale: Sorry?
Mr Mousebender: [in a silly Northern accent] Ooh, I like a nice dance - you're forced to.

Monty Python pt 9

Mr. Vibrating: Come in.
Man: Um, is this the right room for an argument?
Mr. Vibrating: I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't.
Mr. Vibrating: Yes I have.
Man: When?
Mr. Vibrating: Just now.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: I did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: Did.
Man: Didn't.
Mr. Vibrating: I'm telling you I did.
Man: You did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Oh I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
Man: Oh, just the five minutes.
Mr. Vibrating: Ah, thank you. Anyway I did.
Man: You most certainly did not.
Mr. Vibrating: Look, let's get this thing quite clear. I most definitely told you.